Am I alive?

Am I living or surviving? Is surviving living? These are a few questions I ponder as I walk the streets of New York. I suppose I am viewing myself as a reflection within the eyes of my fellow citizens. I wonder if I exude the same dis-pleasures. We fill our lives daily with many trivial trinkets to distract ourselves from such questions. I have believed for years that life is too difficult to attempt to live without a buffer; similar to how a strong alcoholic beverage needs a chaser in order to decrease the potency of the drink. It's amazing how people complain about the unpredictable nature which is life. Is life not like the weather; like your health; like religion; you pray but there is always a chance things may or may not be what you hope for. There is a 20% chance of rain and the same can be applied to one's health; even less that your prayers will be answered. The only controllable factor is one's self. What can be predicated without error is your own actions. Acceptance of this unavoidable fact will lessen the impact of the surprises that life offers. I love life and what can't be seen. I enjoy whether an action is positive or negative results can't be determined. I suppose that's why I wake up every day; I want to see how "things" play out.